GTFU Readers’ Guide to
Inner Healing

In GTFU Appendix C (“Support Resources”), I wrote...

If your history includes emotional trauma, chronic stress and adversity, or any psychologically debilitating conditions, you may need professional healing support beyond the self-help techniques in this book.

The challenge of writing a book like GTFU is that I can’t be certain why you, the reader, have decided that you need to “grow the fuck up.” Your decision could be based on anything from simple shortcomings like procrastination or selfishness to major problems like deep depression, violent behavior, or substance abuse. If your motivating factors are on the darker side of that spectrum, the approaches outlined in my book may be helpful, but you should probably also work directly with someone who can guide and support you through a deep healing process.

When looking for healers you can work with, you need to interview and scrutinize them as if you were hiring an employee.

Many psychotherapists, social workers, and other healers are attracted to the healing arts because they themselves have been deeply wounded. They’ve done their own healing work and want to share the gift of healing with others. Unfortunately, a substantial subset of these well-meaning healers have blind spots or gaps in their healing that undermine their ability to help others. So be sure to google anyone you’re considering as your healing partner, read their online reviews and their own websites, and look for any deal-breakers or red flags. If you schedule a trial session, remember that you retain the right to follow your GUT if it tells you they’re not right for you.

In my opinion (as a life coach who is NOT a therapist), many of the mental health models in use today rely too heavily on drugs and/or behavior modification techniques that ignore the deeper root causes of psychological problems. So if a therapist says you should get on some kind of medication, ask them about the long-term stategy, and if they say you’ll be on the meds for many years, or that it takes a long time to get off the meds safely, I’d get a second opinion.

In most cases, healing is possible without meds, but medication can be part of a long-term strategy that leads to a stable state of well-being without chemical dependencies. Personally, I’d be inclined to look for a healer who could help me improve my neurochemistry naturally — through dietary changes, exercise, and/or healthier habits of thought — rather than pharmaceuticals. (YMMV “Your mileage may vary.”)

Someone familiar with the “IFS” model will be more likely to understand the concepts of “True Self” and “small-self parts” in this book.

However, the above precautions still apply. Just because a therapist uses an excellent healing modality like Internal Family Systems (a.k.a. “parts work”) it doesn’t guarantee that he or she will be able to make it work for you. You may need to explore more than one modality and/or more than one practitioner within a modality.

When professional support is not accessible, you might look into Twelve Step groups and other volunteer peer support programs.

Twelve-Step programs were initially developed for people with addictions to substances (like alcohol and narcotics) or compulsive behaviors (like gambling and overeating), but the format has also been adapted for those of us who have other problems related to or similar to addictions and compulsions, most notably Al-Anon (for people in relationship with addicts) and ACoA (for “Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families”). The “and Dysfunctional Families” part is what convinced me to try ACoA decades ago, as my parents weren’t alcoholics but many of our problems were similar to those of dysfunctional alcoholic families.

I couldn’t afford formal therapy at the time, but I found some self-help books that recommended the Twelve Steps for everyone, as the patterns of addiction affect everyone in our society, and participating in a Twelve Step group can effect healing beyond the obvious manifestations of addiction. I was advised to attend several different programs and different groups before settling on one, and I felt most at home in the ACoA group. These weekly sessions felt similar to group therapy in many ways, except that they weren’t led by a therapist (and they were free of charge). The meetings followed a clearly defined format, and we took turns facilitating it.

These days, many Twelve Step groups meet virtually through video-conferencing, which is a convenient way to start, although face-to-face interaction is often better, IMO — especially with a sponsor.

“Alternative” Practices

There are a LOT of healing paths that don’t fit the typical mold of mainstream psychotherapy and peer support programs, and many of the alternatives are viewed with contempt by those who advocate the more conventional paths. Such contempt is occasionally deserved (because healing innovators are sometimes misguided, corrupt, or batshit). Nevertheless, I believe that even the most “out there” paths are right for certain people, and we should be free to decide for ourselves.

Many alternative healing paths include “woo-woo” elements that fly in the face of mainstream scientific, rationalist, materialist thought. Examples include psychedelics and plant medicine, past-life regression, faith healing and exorcism, and shamanistic soul retrieval. Some are more “sciencey” but still considered unconventional, like breathwork and rebirthing, hypnosis, acupressure “tapping” techniques, or “muscle testing.” As far as I’m concerned, ALL modalities and practitioners — conventional or not — should be approached with a healthy balance of openness AND skepticism. When something in you indicates that a certain choice isn’t right for you, you should pay attention to it. Likewise, when you feel a strong attraction to a particular path, ask yourself what that’s about.

Resources

Note: The external resources listed here are well known, but I have not personally used or evaluated them.

• Internal Family Systems (“parts work”)
• Psychology Today’s guide to finding a therapist
• BetterHelp Online Therapy
• growtherapy (if you’re covered by health insurance)

I was unable to find a comprehensive online directory of alternative approaches, so if you want to discover what’s out there, you may need to go where like-minded people hang out, and then ask around. Examples: health food stores often have bulletin boards where people have posted info about holistic practices; metaphysical bookstores often have many books about “new age” approaches to healing; and a local church may have information about faith-based healing paths.